Oh yeah. Think about it. If you remove politics and religion from the equation, and all the fundamentalists associated therewith, and then take away the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans and Garth Brookses of the world (I don't know why I lumped that lump in there), well, then America adds up to one sexy, fun place. And by sexy, well, I mean fun, really. And by fun I mean fun and nice and enjoyable. A place where you start thinking, "Yeah, I could raise a family in America." A place that tickles your fancy Monday through Friday, then ups the voltage on the tickle-meter about eight or nine notches come the weekend.
America, you are truly one sexy beast. And fun, too. America, you like to let your hair down at all the right times and you always remember to shave on Sundays. You, America, never fail to disappoint.
Take today. And take your Louisville, Kentucky.
Take today and your Louisville Slugger Baseball Bat Factory and Tour. Oh, man, America, that was some kind of craziness. Insane, baby. Let me tell you something, sweetheart, America, your Louisville baseball bats are gorgeous. And your factory and tour was one delicious, hedonistic stroll through so much baseball lore; man, I nearly passed out. Then, America, when the tour guide handed ME the Manny Ramirez bat? A real, true bat destined for the hands of Manny (whose smile my mother sees and turns to girlie-girl mush over? you know it!) "Moonshot" Ramirez? And then my baseball-addicted eldest son got to hold it too?
Get out of town, America! You treated us a little too well today. Except when the tour guide handed me the A-Rod bat at the end of the tour. Yuck. I think I got baseball cooties.
The Louisville Slugger baseball bat factory: If you call yourself an American, you owe it to yourself to stop by when you're in or near Louisville. Just be prepared: You are NOT allowed to take photos during the tour. BUT, you ARE allowed to purchase a custom engraved, regulation Louisville Slugger (photos of ours coming tomorrow).
Why do you owe it to yourself to stop there if you consider yourself an American? Well, even those of you who might not be sports fans must realize how integral to the fabric of America is the sport of baseball. Our country has grown up with it. It is still pretty close to pure, and it is all-American, like jazz, or Frank Carvel, or Haggar slacks, or JCPenney. Heck, it's as American as the frankfurter.
Go. Run, don't walk, to the Louisville Slugger Factory. Become ONE with one of your favorite baseball players. And don't forget to take a few swings in the batting cages INSIDE the factory floor! How much sweeter can it get? (Well, a little sweeter. Like maybe David Ortiz could have showed up at the batting cages and given me some pointers on my swings. All I managed were some foul pops.)
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